Sometimes, I just need to cry.
Tonight is one of those times.
Sometimes they are sad tears, or grief tears, or hurt tears, or scared tears, or overwhelmed tears, or stressed tears, or angry tears, or sympathy tears, or whiny tears, or frustrated tears. Sometimes my soul wells up with tears of loss, of giving up hope, of defeat. Or sometimes they are tears of joy, of celebration, of remembrance, of praise. And sometimes I even get the I-don’t-know-why-I’m-crying tears. Basically, I cry a lot.
I used to hate it. To get embarrassed by my tears. But this year is different. This year I have learned that tears are ok. That ecclesiastes is right – there really is a time for tears. A time for weeping.
And I’m learning that “a time for weeping” can be a very long time. Even years.
And I’m growing to love my tears. Even though I am not a graceful or pretty cry-er. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. But I love them because every time they come, it is a reminder to run to Jesus. To run to Him, my completer. The binder-up of my broken heart. The healer of hurt. The calmer of my soul. The meeter of my every need. The speaker of Truth. They are also a reminder for me to cry out to Jesus on behalf of those who are weeping without hope. Because in the midst of my weeping, there is hope for the future. Hope for complete redemption. The hope of eternal life. But there are oh, so many, who cry without that hope. And for them my heart breaks, and I plead for Jesus to rescue them like He did me.
And maybe someday I will learn how to cry prettily. Buuuuttt….I’m not holding out much hope for that.